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Friday, October 31, 2014 | Last updated: 8:55pm

Battle royale: Things to do when you're in a fight with your partner



So, the unavoidable happened. Maybe it was a total blow out. Maybe this is a daily routine for the two of you, or maybe it was brought on by something totally miniscule and ridiculous. Either way, you and your significant other are in a fight.

You and your loved one storm off, leaving you with an unfathomable amount of alone time that would otherwise be spent cuddling and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ear. Now you’re at a loss of what to do until the dust settles and the two of you can retreat back to each other as per usual.

Below is a compilation of things to do while you wait for your partner to make the first move, since God knows that won’t be for a while.

1. Do not be the first to apologize
You should not take back what you said. Even if you’re blatantly wrong in your statements, you have the right to be opinionated. Backing down shows him that they can actually be right sometimes.

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2. Eat
Taco Bell, Kit Kat Bars, Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy; trash the cardboard frozen dinners and get over to McDonald’s for an Oreo McFlurry. No one’s around to judge or even give you dirty looks as you shovel down food faster than a gravedigger shovels graves. Just eat. And because a pity party isn’t complete until you’re eating and crying …

3. Cry
Research has shown that crying actually helps to release certain stress hormones, allowing for a more adequate chemical balance in the brain. So shed a little tear or put on “The Notebook” and bawl your eyes out. Your good friends Ben & Jerry will be there to back you up.

4. Go for a run
Hands down, the best mile times are always driven by some sort of self-rivaling, turbo-charged, raging angst. Compile a list full of badass songs and blast it through your headphones for an instant runner’s high.

5. Go for a drive
Back in high school, this would be a common occurrence after getting into head-butting spats with your parents. Long drives can help you clear your head and get away from your significant other for a while. Take Rodney Atkins’ advice and put a little gravel in your travel.

6. Be productive
Clean your room, respond to emails, actually do your assigned readings for once, discover new music, rediscover old music and put Martha Stewart’s organizational skills to shame. The possibilities are endless.

7. Shop online
Is there anything online shopping hasn’t fixed? Sure, you’ll wallow in self-deprecation and buyer’s remorse after the purchase is said and done, but ogling new clothes is to a depressed female like a wide open, grassy plain is to a Sarah-McLachlan-ASPCA-battered-and-beaten horse.

8. Get tipsy
You’re angry, your friends want to go out and you’ll more than likely end up hammered. But think about it: you’ve probably had one too many encounters with alcohol and its good friend passive-aggression.

That mix is more fatal than dark and light liquor on the same night. So for the time being, sip on a simple glass of J. Lohr or Kendall Jackson chardonnay and pass on the whiskey shots.

If you’ve successfully completed all of the actions compiled in this list and your partner hasn’t said anything yet, it’s probably time for you to make the first move anyway. Take a deep breath and take the plunge. After all, the quicker you can resolve your argument, the quicker you two can get back to finishing “Breaking Bad” season four.


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