Mall rants

By DAN DESROCHERS, TYLER BESH Published February 13, 2013 at 11:05pm Updated February 13, 2013 at 11:32pm

Off to Paradise Valley

Tony Aceves, social sciences freshman

What’s that thing on your shirt?
Pledge pin.

For who?
Kappa Sigma.

Nice! How’s that going?
Good.

Good, good to hear. What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day as a whole? When you think of it, what do you think?
Girls.

So now, what are you going to do for this Valentine’s Day?
Not really sure yet. I don’t have much time to think about it, but I’ll figure something out in the next few days.

Are you going to be rushing and stuff on Valentine’s Day?
Eh, we’ll figure it out.

If you could do one thing on Valentine’s Day, if you like, dream about this, you pick a girl, your dream girl — now don’t get crazy on me — what would you do with her on Valentine’s Day?
No limits at all? I don’t know. We’d go to an amazing restaurant, do something extremely fun that night, go to a super, super nice five-star resort, do some other things throughout the evening, you know where that goes … uh yeah.

If you could name your own resort, what would it be called?
Paradise Valley.

Is there anyone at home you’re going to send a valentine to?
No, I’m glad to be here, don’t really care too much about home.

You have one song to seal the deal with a girl, what song do you put on?
“Afternoon Delight.”

Do you sing it, or just let it play?
Sing it, absolutely.

Sloths are all you need

Meg “Little Bear” Mckay, biology freshman

What did you do for Valentine’s Day last year?
Last year? I had a boyfriend, and he actually got me a really lame gift, it was like a fruit basket.

Aw, that’s so weak!
Yeah, he was like a really lame boyfriend.

What kinds of fruit were in the basket?
Like strawberries and pineapples and stuff.

Fruits that you like?
They were fruits that I like, but it wasn’t like chocolate or something.

This year have you been asked to go on a date yet?
No, I have not.

So what are your plans?
I’m spending it with my friends. We’re making chocolate fondue and having our own big bottle of wine.

Your dream date for Valentine’s Day, doesn’t have to be a date, what do you do? Zero limits.
Someone would bring me a … sloth that had my valentine …

Wait, like a live sloth?
Yeah, like a live sloth. Someone would bring me a sloth with like a pink ribbon around it.

All you need is a sloth?
Yes, that’s really all I need.

Why are you wearing a flower in your hair?
Because it’s pretty and Jesus gave it to me.

Jesus did?
Not that Jesus, a different person giving it from Jesus. Cause I got one from Muhammad last weekend, so now Jesus is doing it.

From Jesus, amen. OK, end of the night, a guy has you on a date and he plays you one song and you’re like oh my God, I really like this guy. What is that one song?
One song and I would instantly fall in love?

Like, he made you a nice dinner, he didn’t get you a fruit basket, you got your sloth and ribbon, and then a song.
Can he play me the song? If he played me “Skinny Love” by Bon Iver I would instantly fall in love.