What do Nietzsche, Yanni, Jimi Hendrix, Gandhi and Kaiser Wilhelm II all have in common? No, it's not that you forgot who all of them were on your traditions and cultures midterm. It's way more important than that: These dudes are all famous for sporting a killer ‘stache.
The retro facial hair is making a comeback from when our dads rocked it in the '70s. Mustaches are showing up on everyone from Brad Pitt to Fourth Avenue hipsters who style their 'staches with nail scissors and irony. If your upper lip has been feeling a little bare, your time has come. If you have an exceptional mustache, you could win friends, ladies and even a trip to St. Louis, Mo.
Hair loss prevention shampoo company Zenagen is holding a contest to find the best mustache — real or fake — that America can text in by picture message. Upload your mug shot to Zenagen.com by midnight on Oct. 25, and you could be on your way to the mustache epicenter of the Midwest.
The contest will be judged by a totally deadpan group of gentlemen who call themselves the Future Bald Metrosexuals of America. The contest is based on how well the ""upper lip sweater"" (their words) is incorporated into the entrant's costume. Like you needed a better reason to break out that Hulk Hogan get-up you've been hiding.
The winner of the contest will win two first-class plane tickets to St. Louis to attend an event called the Stache Bash. According to organizers of the American Moustache Institute, it's a night of raucous fun and music to benefit Challenger Baseball, a St. Louis non-profit baseball league for kids with disabilities. Watch out, ladies — these guys have facial hair and raise money for a good cause.
Tickets to the facial-hair festival, which will take place on Oct. 30, are $29 and are selling out quickly. Entrance to the event includes free beer and the chance to see the guest of honor, moustache advocate John Oates, and two other Midwest bands perform. The winner of the ""Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year"" will also be crowned, an honor bestowed on the most impactful moustached American of 2009.
To nominate yourself, your creepy neighbor or for more information, visit Americanmoustacheinstitute.org. That's right, "".org"" — this is a serious group of people with a serious devotion to breaking the stigma against their fave facial style.
This event comes right in the thick of the yearly facial hair frenzy: the beloved ""No Shave November"" starts in just over a week. We'll be plagued by the rugged/homeless look for 30 days, or however long girlfriends can stand it.
In other facial hair news, ""Movember"" is another opportunity to grow for a cause. Started in Australia in 1999, Movember is a movement of men who grow moustaches for the month of November to raise awareness for men's health issues, especially prostate cancer.
So whether your handlebar is ahead of the curve, you're putting down the razor for charity or you just can't wait to have that clean-shaven feel back, the subject of facial hair is on the top of everyone's lip. It might not get you a date, but that moustache could win you the trip of a lifetime — to hang out with John Oates in St. Louis.
Game on, sideburns: what did you ever do for anyone?