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Drugs, booze and girls are all you need to for your weekend camping adventure

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Hayden Jorde/Arizona Daily Wildcat

Break free of the dive bars, fraternity houses and sketchy apartments this weekend — take your party outdoors! Guerilla camping on Mt. Lemmon is both cheaper and more fun than paying for a campsite if you know what to bring. The Meadow Trail, off of the Lemmon trail at the summit of Mt. Lemmon, has some of the best spots. Here are the five essentials for your wilderness rager to ensure you have a great time and stay alive.

1. Girls – The main difference between your weekend and some “Lord of the Flies” nightmare is that you are going to take girls with you. Girls are an excellent voice of reason when your inner lumberjack is released due to the combination of booze and testosterone surging through your system. When this happens, girls will provide such excellent insight as “Is a hatchet throwing contest such a good idea right now?” or “The fire is already huge, we probably don’t need more wood.”

2. The little things – As much as you like to think of yourself as Bear Grylls, sleeping on the ground for three days is pretty rough. Like me, you too have probably been raised in a house, with a bed and air conditioning. So unless you were raised by wolves, trust me — you are going to want to bring all of the luxuries you can think of. Bring a pillow, other food besides beans, toilet paper and whatever else you think you may want. Once you are on the mountain, it can be a real pain to get any of the things we take for granted in society, which leads me to my next point. Absolutely, positively don’t forget to bring…

3. Drugs – Camp in a secluded enough spot and you can get away with murder, especially in the off-season. When it starts getting a little colder, the number of people camping and hiking on Mt. Lemmon will decrease considerably. This is the perfect time to go on whatever psychedelic nature adventure you have been planning. It is highly advisable to have a trip-sitter and do any psychedelics early in the morning, because the woods can get quite eerie at night. Have a blast and really get in tune with Mother Nature.

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4. Alcohol – Without alcohol on your camping trip you’re going to feel a lot like a colonial pilgrim and have just about as much fun as one. Nature is its own source of enjoyment, but when you’re in the wild for the entire weekend, a handle or three can’t hurt your chances of having a good time, even if you don’t remember it. Unfortunately, getting drunk in the woods also means you will be hungover in the woods. Hopefully you will bring lots of water, toilet paper — and enough booze for the next day.

Condoms – Needless to say, STDs still exist at higher elevations. Use your head and have a good time. Be courteous to your fellow campers and remember that a canvas flap is not the same as four brick walls. Unless you want your friends imitating what you sound like in bed all semester, you should try and be a little discreet with those girls that you’re bringing along.

While you are out there having a good time this weekend, don’t abuse the forest. Take out whatever trash you bring in, disturb as little of your surroundings as possible, and most importantly, use discretion and common sense. Don’t ruin a great time for everyone else.


Follow us on Twitter @wildcatarts and follow Hayden @Spicy_Reptiles.


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UA COVID-19 Test Tracker

Daily (11/30)
442 8 1.8%
Total (8/2)
61,708 982 1.6%
Includes tests since August 2, 2021
Data from https://covid19.arizona.edu/updates
Updated November 30, 2021