Guess what guys? Yep, I am going to say it again. It’s a beautiful weekend to sit on your couch and get your money’s worth after the furniture box store convinced your wife that the most uncomfortable couch in the lot had to be bought. If that’s you, then I am so sorry. That isn’t me. Mostly due to not being married, but mostly because If I cannot afford a bedside table, nonetheless a loveseat/sofa combo with seat warmers and USB outlets. I’m sorry if that shatters your image that you had of me in your head, but that’s just the truth, brother.
Alabama - LSU, Penn State - Michigan, and Tom Brady hosting Aaron Rodgers is what I am going to be watching this weekend, as should you. The combination of historic southern and northern conference rivalries being bookended by the two of the best quarterbacks to ever spin a pigskin wrapping up the weekend will have your couch suffering from permanent indentation after the hours upon hours of vegetation that will occur over the next couple of days. If you get in trouble for being a lazy slob, just blame it on me.
Tell the wife that some dude who gets to write a gambling column told you that you could completely ignore the honey-do list, leave the overflowing trash heap undisturbed, and the laundry completely untouched while your universal remote gets the workout of its short lifetime. Strap in soldier, we are in for a wild ride. Here are my picks for this weekend:
Colorado @ Arizona (-3.5) - O/U 56.5pts - Friday, 7:30pm MST - FS1
In a matchup against two of the middle-of-the-road Pac-12 programs is a matchup that could either be the most exciting game of the weekend, or the most boring. There is no in-between. The Wildcat team that showed up to Homecoming last weekend was a team that looked like it was competing to go to a Rose Bowl.
Colorado comes into Tucson on a short week, and this younger WIldcat team is coming off the highest of highs, and I think asking them to recalibrate and refocus in two or three days is a tough ask for any kid 18-23 years old. That’s exactly why I am taking the over points-wise in this game. I don’t think Arizona can replicate the defensive masterpiece they put together last week, holding the Ducks to the fewest yards since the 2010 Rose Bowl. Where Oregon was beaten by Terrell Pryor and Jim Tressell. Yes, that long ago.
I also think Khalil Tate is healthy, and that’s bad news for the scoreboard opporator. Tate ran for an NCAA record 327 yards against the Buffaloes last year, and will look to inflict even more deeply emotionally scarring wounds into the Colorado defense. Root for points, take the
Georgia (-9.5) @ Kentucky - O/U 44.5 - Saturday, 12:30pm MST - CBS
This is the cable version of the Alabama-LSU matchup that is taking place in Baton Rouge. Afer Georgia won the SEC East Semifinal in Jacksonville last week, the schedule did us viewers some favors and gave us a SEC East final the next week, as the winner of this game will face the winner of the matchup that is taking place in Death Valley later in the same afternoon.
Kentucky has been the surprise team of the season, pulling wins out of places you don’t want me to talk about, while also sprinkling in an incredible defense led by future 1st-round middle linebacker Josh Allen, who reminds me a lot of Patrick Willis coming out of Ole Miss last decade, and he will have an opportunity to not only show scouts what he can do, but to also the neutral viewer like you and myself.
I just think Georgia just has too much depth up front for the Wildcats, and when you have a backfield that consists of DeAndre Swift and Elijah Holyfield (Yes, THAT Holyfield) running behind your behemoths, the other team isn’t exactly fighting back, but hanging on. No bias whatsoever I promise, but Georgia and the points all day long.
Penn State @ Michigan (-10) - O/U 52.5pts - Saturday 12:45pm MST - ESPN
A matchup made in steelworker heaven is going to gracing our screens on Saturday afternoon which will be a scene that will be a perfect depiction of the fall. The first week of November, the cold is starting to play a serious factor on teams and how they are playing. It’s just a few months removed from two-a-days in 90 degree weather, but it feels like years when you are playing the back half of your schedule in blusters of snow and winds whipping off of the great lakes. I’m talking Big Ten football folks, and it doesn’t get much better than this one.
Vegas obviously is not impressed by Penn State and their wins so far this year, and I would have to agree with them. Barely beating Appalachian State at home, having to come back hunge against Illinois are all red flags that simply cannot be ignored when analysing who you are going to put your money on. And when I’m putting my “hahhd ehrrrned caish” on someone, I rather put it on a team who’s only loss is on the road at Notre Dame then some questionable wins with the expected losses. Go with the Khaki’s at home. Michigan and the points
Alabama (-14.5) @ LSU - O/U 53.5pts - Saturday 5:00pm MST - CBS
"To be honest with you, I hope we elect to kick ass, is what I hope we do,” is what Alabama head coach Nick Saban said to reporters on Thursday afternoon when asked if he will elect to kick or receive after the opening coin-toss.
If that isn’t enough proof to put not only your own mortgage, but your neighbors mortgage on the Crimson Tide then you sir, simply do not have a pulse. Nick Saban has beat his old team seven games in a row now, and those LSU teams haven’t been pushovers led by a schmuck of a coach. Every matchup in this game since 2005 has pitted two teams within the top-20, making this game one of the cornerstones of the college football season since I converted to the church of Knute Rockne and John Heisman in the fall of 2004 and followed down a path of incessant college football consumption. Did i just create a religion in order to justify my chronic and unchanging habits? Yes, but that wouldnt make me the first. This game reaffirms my faith every fall, as I thank them for blessing me with the likes of Nick Saban. Roll Tide on this one.
P.S. - This Alabama team looks like a team where we look back at and wonder why they weren’t favored by 20+ points every game. They are that good, and I think they have a real good shot and stop me if you have heard this before, but I think this Bama team is good.
Green Bay @ New England (-5.5) - 56.5pts - Sunday 6:20pm MST - NBS
Two of the greatest to ever spin a pig skin get to square off as Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth narrate the action as they ease you into your week with their soothing monologues and descriptions. NBC’s Sunday Night Football has been a staple in my life for years, as I get to see Rodney Harrison passive aggressively give advice and break down film with the skeletor-looking Tony Dungey next to him, who is gracious enough to give up time from his usual daily of activity of yelling at passerby clouds and other inanimate objects. All while Dan Patrick just nods and mumbles the amount of money NBC is paying him for being there. It’s my favorite night of the week.
Did I mention that there is going to be two pretty good quarterbacks? Their resume’s speak for themselves, and they will be bringing a little extra focus into this game due to their incredible mutual respect that is also tinged with jealously. Brady of Rodgers effortless natural ability and intangibles, while Rodgers envies Brady’s relatively clean injury record and longjevity, and oh yeah, the four more rings he has than him. Almost forgot that part.
This matchup though, as much as it comes down to quarterbacking, is going to be decided even further by the coaching. Belichick is a far superior coach than McCarthy, and there lies my answer and pick. New England and the awkward five and a half points spread.
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