It was five days before Halloween. I was planning out the costume I would’ve worn and I received a text from my roommate with a questionably risqué web preview. The accompanying message read “October surprise!” Could this be it? A news story as scandalous as the 2016 NYT’s report on Trump’s 18-year-long federal tax evasion?
Whatever it was couldn't possible top the “grab ‘em by the pussy” recording that was released by the Washington Post. Maybe I was thinking of October 12th, a day particularly full of spooky surprises — Trump’s inappropriate behavior in a previous Miss Teen USA dressing room, two accounts of sexual misconduct, a first-person account of a similar instance published in People magazine, footage of predatory comments and yet another sexual misconduct story. More predatory comments on the 13th, two more misconduct allegations on the 14th, and four more by the 27th . Throw in one more NYT’s report on the tens of millions dollars in federal taxes that Trump avoided paying in the nineties and it was only Halloween! As eventful as the last election was, I couldn’t help but yawn when the website loaded.
What was supposed to be a sexy surprise ended up being amazingly uneventful. An alleged and unfaced video of Hunter Biden was leaked to the internet that (again, allegedly) involved him using drugs and participating in a sexual act with another unfaced person. The video was originally posted on GTV, a Chinese video platform. The low-down is that GTV is a subsidiary of GTV Media Group which was founded by Steve Bannon. Other racy videos and pictures were uploaded as well, although I only watched one (for the sake of journalism, of course).
“Classified information” regarding Hunter’s foreign business affairs were also released, supposedly found on a laptop of his. One could call this influx of X-rated and double-dealing information jarring. How was I supposed to be confident in my Biden vote when all of this was released a mere ten days before the election? Easy: with the new Ariana Grande album turned up and a hard cider in my hand. I genuinely could not have cared less, even if the information was found to be true (which it hasn't been).
I’m not voting for Joe Biden’s son. I’m not tossing and turning at night thinking about if he’s a timeout or spankings kind of dad. Hunter Biden is a grown man whose intimate files may have been leaked on the internet. That’s not only irrelevant, it’s literally revenge porn.
If anything, the salacious content completely took away from the whole “Ukranian dealings” thing that was supposed to drag both Bidens down. How am I supposed to take that accusation seriously when it’s sandwiched between a shirtless mirror selfie and a video of a woman with impressive quad strength?
After the last election I am completely unfazed by drug use and consensual sex. Someone should try banning fracking — maybe then I’ll jump.